REPOST: FOLLOW

i’m tired chasing the wind…

im done catching the breeze…

the end is near…

i feel it, i see it…

just a little more time…

it will be over…

as my eyes shut…

i will sleep…

forever.

REPOST: CAUSE

the island prince is losing himself.
he does not know who he is anymore.
as each day passes by, a part of him is taken and as much as he tries to hold on to what he has left, it seems as if judgment was long passed.
he cries.
he battles.
he is to young to be in such disposition.
life is not supposed to be this hard.
all his ideals are now gone.
too bad for him.
his ideals were the only glory he had.
his ideals made him go on and strive harder.
too bad for him i say again.

now the dethroned island prince is walking blindly into nothingness.
he is going to surrender.
he is going to succumb into the unending pit of darkness.
he will not resist.
he will not resist i say again.
the battle is over - so are the days of the island prince.

so now i bid farewell to you, island prince.

REPOST: EXHAUSTION

like a candle, my flame is flickering and my wick is almost alas. given some more time, i’ll bid farewell to my existence.

like wind, i feel like i’m going on for ages. to where? i’m oblivious and exasperation is kicking in.

like water, i feel shapeless. to much will i try to take shape but to no avail. i just go with whatever form i am placed into. it sucks.

like shattered glass, i feel broken. broken into pieces that can never be mended. i’m tainted. i’m jaded.

i’m a little lost boy in this big, big world. dazed. confused. i’m struggling and i’m aching. i feel helpless. i feel alone. to my dreams i hold on to but the world is harsh and my senses snap and in a blink of an eye i’m awake. as i look around i see no way out. i scream as loud as i can but no sound is coming out.

i’m doomed. kill me now i say. but once again i’m reminded - the world is harsh. no escape. feeling is believing. i believe. i surrender.

REPOST: A RECOLLECTION

it’s kinda funny how everytime when i feel most tired and just want to get a good night’s sleep do i always end up most roused. i’m starting to get this habit of pondering every bedtime and it kinda gives me a sense of pleasure and also a bit of frustarion. tonight, as i desperately try to knock myself to sleep, things from the past just keeps on hurling and hurling into my mind. you see, i just stayed the whole day on bed, getting off once in a while to do usual routines of life, reading a book a friend lent me. i finished at about 9 pm and thinking i could actually manage to read a new one, i frantically searched into my pile of books and got hold of another. i got to chapter 5 of this new book and felt sleepy so i decided to call it a night. i put down the book and got hold of my ipod and started listening to what i like to call my drift music (actually, it’s a digital recording of the ocean waves that run for about 2 hours). as i lay on my bed my thoughts have started to take up on me. i started to think about how life as a child for me was so simple and so innocent. i remember how shallow i was back then and yet i was satisfied. i remember how i used to climb on our roof with a mat clutched in my hand and spreading it just under the shade of a santol tree that covers part of our roof. i remember just laying there gazing up the sky and feeling happy. i also remember how i would climb our wall and actually tiptoe my way to it’s other end til i reach the part where my childhood sweetheart’s window is actually just overlooking upon me and just scream her name and she would actually peep from the window and we would talk. infact, there was this onetime that i actually fell on the otherside landing on their garden drainage. that sucked. i actually had to soap my self to death just to rid off the smell. as a kid, we used to have a treehouse. i remember inviting friends over there and we would imagine all sorts of things. happy memories were made there. i miss it. the games we played then were actually very physical, unlike now that the gameboy or psp has taken over. i remember running all over the streets in our neighborhood playing tag and hide and seek.those were actually the days. at sundown, i remember my mom, sometimes my dad, would call me and stop me from playing for supper. how me and my friends would bid each other goodbye and how we wished the day would never end. we would always look forward to the next day. i really had a nice childhood. thinking about it now actually makes me want to go back to that time. i guess all i can do now is just play it over and over in my mind like a stupid broken tape deck. i just love how it makes me smirk and giggle a little as funny memories hit my mind.

REPOST: RANDOM THOUGHTS

the mere thought of thinking about the realities of life is frustrating already. imagine thinking about it over and over again. adulthood is one thing that scares me. well, that actually depends on how one person views adulthood. i came upon reading a friend’s blog and she states that life ends at 25. damn, im 23 turning 24 this year - meaning i’ll be 25 next year. if my friend’s premise holds truth then i guess im damned. i’ve come to realize that no matter how much i try to view the world according to my perspective, reality just keeps on gushing in, distorting every ideal i have in mind. i’ve always pictured myself being successful - in retrospect, in highschool i’ve always thought that life was as simple as your dreams and your ambition. you know, do good in highschool, get in a prestigious university then graduate then get a stable job. moving on to the present, i’m like nowhere near the latter. well, if it’s any consolation to mention, i did good in highschool and i did get into a prestigious university but then things didn’t end up as i thought it would. i was in my second year in college when my very ideal world started to take a turn to reality alley. i was talked into taking a different career path by my folks (a long story goes in here but to make the story short i’ve decided to omit it). it was okay i thought then. well guess what? it’s not. i was immature then. i really didn’t project the heaviness of that career turn i actually took. now, everything seems to be taking it’s toll. now, every decision i try to make about my life is being hindered by that one move. it is like a black hole sucking everything of me. im tied to it and there seems to be no escaping it ( there is but im not really sure yet if a can manage to do it, maybe not just yet). i have plans for myself. these used to be it - get a stable job, get married, rear responsible children, travel the world when given the chance. well, if there’s one thing that could probably come to actuality, that would be the foremost. all the rest would be in a 50/50 chance. you see, the moment i took that turn way back in second year college got me committed into the harsh realities of the world. i dont come from a well-off family and by the looks of our current disposition, i am pretty much the very hope of my family - my mom the most. how can i live the life i want when i know deep down that my family is struggling? this makes commiting to a steady relationship with someone really hard. of course when i get commited i would do my best to provide for my special someone and that includes having a family with this special someone and provide the best for them. how can i do that when i’m pretty much commited now? i dont think it would be fair to commit to both knowing that one is being compromised. well, one principle i have in life is to always give 100% on whatever i am focused on. if im committed to two, that violates that principle. i have seen and know people who took courage into taking both. one side certainly suffers and there is no questioning that. sometimes i think what if i decide to live the life i want. if i do, i see myself being a good husband and a good father, but if i do, i’d be a terrible son. if i give up what i want, my folks would certainly be happy but what happens once i grow old? who would i have? is a person’s responsibility to his heritage or his future family? im 23 now turning 24 this year, i only have a year to decide. whichever path i choose into going, there sure is no turning back!

REPOST: TURNING POINT

i have reached the end of a travel. i am now lost in a shadow of confusion. as i stop the road bifurcates. which way? i constantly ask myself. trying to draw into conclusion. i am currently in limbo. an arm’s reach to reality and a few steps to freedom. am i to live my life as a patriot or am i to live as a free-spirit? i tell myself that this is it! a decision must be made. one way leads to my reign as the island prince, the other to my pride as a hero and savior. i am now in a state of crucial thinking - every step must be well thought of. i try to crawl time inch by inch knowing that this will, if not just temporarily, extend time. as i whirl in constant thinking, i am aware that once judgement is passed, i must stand assertive and never regret. as i choose which way to turn, i seek serenity and soltitude. now, as time passes, the world is living for me.

REPOST: CHAOS

im struggling and i know it. im in complete chaos and im feeling helpless. im being drenched and im starting to drown. on a sidetrip everything is starting to become dull and errosive. it’s sickening and it’s tiring. it pains me. i am choosing to be passive and apathetic. a change in predicament that most would find sudden. i ought to be. a defensive act maybe but for such worthy cause. self preservation. a dismissal of what seems to be conventional - fuck it. all my thoughts are in constant rage. im on protest. all of me. im on guard for a spark of light amidst this darkness. on guard for a shade of gray. im reaching blindly. im hopeless yet ignited by minute bursts of warmth and indignation. as i drown, i feel stabbed by the piercing cold. i surrender but with a lingering thought. pain is transitory. when i open my eyes i’ll be squinting. rays of light will embrace me. i will rise and again - im reborn a victor.

REPOST: REALITY CHECK

no matter how hard we try or make ourselves believe, we sure can’t control everything…..

lesson:

have courage to change what we can and just have the wisdom to accept what we can’t. it fucking sucks but learn to just love it.

just thought i’d share.

REPOST: LIFE BECOMES DEATH

life ceases unpredictably… spend each day as if it was your last for you’ll never know when it will end. enjoy each moment and dont bother seeding grudges - it’s pointless and a waste of time. ranting and squirming only end to a more chaotic disposition.

we’ll miss you tita kris…

REPOST: FUCK MAN, IM CHEESY

no matter how much i try to deny it, im still a sucker for romance flicks! bugger! it kills me just thinkin’ about it… to overcome denial is to welcome acceptance! fine, all guards down. i always thought of myself as the easy-go-lucky type… just chillin around with no worries and hook-ups but you know what, reality check, i do want some complicated love story of my own (fuck man, "love" story?!?) i’ve done some silly shit with my previous hook-ups and im telling you it was damn hell shitty. lol. never the serious type. bloody. i guess i also do want to feel the elated high feeling of "come take me away to where the clouds are" crap…you know, just being irrationally emotional.. the feeling like when your heart governs thinking… the type when your heart races and you go start your day with a smile, whistling all care free while going to where you’re going kinda stuff. cheesy i know, right? i guess im a hopeless romantc after all?!??!

p.s.

right on aisa, right on…. i’ve been hitting your head every time we talk about this.. guess you’d be hittin my head now… or maybe let’s just fly away together… guess you were freakin’ right after all… *winks*

REPOST: EHEADS NOSTALGIA

i miss the eheads… after almost 7 years, i just realized i like their music…

"maselang bahaghari, sa aking isipan

wag kang mabahala, di kita malilimutan

paglipas ng ulan, mapapangiti ang araw

wag sanang mawala ang maselang bahaghari"

- eraserheads

REPOST: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

hahaha… okay. so there i was, struggling to seek something thrilling to happen with my life and *alas* - something sure did. this is what happens when your life becomes so freakin dull. you tend to gobble on anything *new* that comes along. lol. bad or good? i dunno… i tend to be ambivalent on the matter (or am i just in denial for i know deep down in my subconcious im enjoying it). hahahah. am i being irrational? honestly, i dont think so! im just braving new things. and i quote "everybody does it, its just that nobody talks about it!" rest assured, i know my limitations. life is a slate. you must keep scribbling on it so you make a good story. like i said, life is a lesson. experiences enrich you and make you wiser. so go experience things. *wink*

p.s.

med students, you rock! (although i never expected the *thing* from you guys!) *winks again*

REPOST: UN-INTERESTING

i just came into realization that my life is not that interesting as i thought it was. browsing through profiles, blogs, and posts of the rest of the upis01 peeps just made me think so. looking at it made me see that i haven’t actually accomplished anything - nothing major atleast. life is one hell of a roadtrip! too bad for me im stuck in a run-a-bout. fuck. im rusting. just like metal soaked in liquid. soon, ill be corroding and then *poof* - im gone.

if i’d be praying i’d say:

Lord, take me to where the light is!

if i’d be praying…


post script:

the word "fuck" is such a nice word and act…

REPOST: LIFE SUCKS

freaks… another night yet again im awake…it’s 2:17 am now. i’ve been infront of my computer for like hours now - browsing over this and that, unendlessly checkin’ for new emails. it’s official - LIFE SUCKS! *amp*

have you ever been to the point in your life when suddenly it dawns unto your mind that your life is boring? alas, i have. everyday is a routine. i’ve come to realize that i’m living my life in a pattern. you know what? it sucks. i need something exciting to perk me up! i wonder when that would be?

REPOST: STEP OUT OF THE CIRCLE

"a cirle is never ending so step out of it!" - catch

im idle. im stagnated. im in a cycle. if i dont do anything about it, hell, i’ll rust! never be stuck in one phase of your life. a person must continuously grow and learn. age is not a variable. we must age with wisdom. all human is infinitely perfectible. let’s all aim for perfection and greater things. i know we’ll never do but hey, at least we’re reaching and by that we become better. do not mind mistakes for they are lessons that enrich our lives - just dont make the same mistake twice coz’ if you do, you’re stupid! learn once and be better each time. soon, you’ll become invincible.