LIBERATION

as i look into nothingness, i start to imagine
as i imagine, i start to feel free
once free, i soar high
up high, everything seemed clear

everything unrestrained, i am reckless
for the first time i feel liberated
no rules, no conformities
i give into myself

to linger more, i shall
for no constraints abound
freedom to do so and so
i grasp so tight at hand

i fly away into nothingness
looking back is not a choice
one look back will be my fall
for i am weak in soul

UPDATE UPDATE

it's been so loooooonnngggg since i last blogged. i was so busy as i like telling myself. anyway, i am practically done editing the pictures that piled on my hard drive. so, what's up with me lately?!?

1. boracay trip was a blast. i must admit i had fun. i went fire dancing in hawaiian barbeque... that was really neat.

2. i already passed the international licensure exam i was preparing for. that's a weight off the shoulder.

3. i got rid of some sh*tty friends... like i always say, i dont mind losing 20 friends at once, i have more than you could imagine.. hahahahaha. trifling people... lol

4. i will be conducting photo editing workshops with some friends... i and some friends will be putting up a studio very soon so for the meantime, we'll be focusing on holding out photo editing tutorials first. would you like to join?

5. i just turned 26 just 2 days back.. had a blast celebrating with good friends... booze, food, and a whole lot of conversations... hahahahahaha

6. i finally have a copy of my all time favorite film "BLOOD IN, BLOOD OUT." can't wait to watch it with the VATOS LOCOS.... i'm pretty sure i'll get the chicano high again for a month....

7. i'm currently reading on "hannibal rising"  by thomas harris. im stuck on chapter 18.. hahahaha...

8. my friends got inked last night... im such a loser for not getting one.. hahahaha....

9. i still have no plans for the coming holy week...

10. im planning on enrolling in Fashion Institue of the Philippines and take Fashion Photography classes... i'm still deciding on it....

11. i got rid of my curls, my hair is getting long. i am doning the Jesus Christ look lately.. i haven't shaved my facial hair for weeks.. hahahaha.. just in time for the holy week...

12. i joined an international photo contest. i didn't win nor got short listed... i'm bitter about it. hahahahahaha...

13. im going crazy over taco bell's churros.. hahahaha....

14. break-ups and make-ups been staling the air lately... hahahahaha... sh*t happens.

15. im still deciding if i should go back to the states this coming april =/

that's basically it for me lately... i am telling myself to blog more often.... and oh, i just started on flickr. do check out my works at http://www.flickr.com/djcatch .

THE SIMPLE LIFE

ive always had this vision of me living the life of a simple fisherman - rising before dawn breaks to fish for the whole day's meals, mending my fishnets during idle times, and solely relying on candlelight at night.

everytime i would tell this vision of myself to my friends i always end up being mocked. nobody would take me seriously. i always tell them that i strongly believe that in my past life i was a fisherman. all i get are chuckles and laughter. i tell them i am dead serious.

my friends have always known me as a go getter, impulsive, outgoing, and modern type of guy. i admit i am but im also just a simple, humble, content, and uncomplicated kind of person. my friends would always throw me snide comments like i will never even last a day living a simple life or id be the most trendy fisherman in the barrios. why would no one believe me?

honestly, i can live without all the complexities of life. i actually don't mind at all. all my friends see are the gadgets i have, the clothes that i wear, my bank accounts (soon to be non existent), my travels here and there, and other superficial shit. i am definitely more than all that.

yesterday, my friends were talking about the fishball vendor they talked to. they were saying that the fishball vendor earns around P500 nett daily. i said that makes P15K a month and that's not bad just for selling fishballs. i said that maybe i should try selling fishballs for the meantime since i am unemployed. i wholeheartedly meant it when i said it. immediately they answered that i will not earn the same because i would have to pay my hired vendor. i told them i dont intend to hire anyone, i intend to do it myself. as usual, i got chuckles, laughter, and comments like if ill be accepting credit cards as mode of payment with minimum of P5 per transaction. this cracked my friends big time, laughing their asses out thinking the whole idea was a joke. i wasn't at all joking.

at a year ender party i went to last december, some high school friends were saying that they were dreading the first workday of 2010. they said that if given the chance, they'd rather choose to be unemployed but cannot afford to do so income wise. they then asked me how i am able to manage being unemployed yet still be able to live a comfy life. i told them i rely on my savings. they asked if my savings were from my parents. i answered hell no. they then asked me where i got the money and when i told them they all got dumbfounded. i told them, when i was in the states i worked as a nanny to three kids and would sometimes work as a carpenter when needed. they laughed thinking i was making a joke. i told them i was dead serious. they said they were in disbelief that i, catch gaviola, would choose to work as a nanny and a carpenter. it was i that gave them a laugh instead.

to my dear friends, despite all the nice crap i wear and the extravagant lifestyle i have, i am just an average joe wanting simple joys. i may have certain odd preferences but that doesn't mean i am superficial. i am just as fucked up as anybody else. hahahaha.

365 DAYS OF SH*T

over and over i feel the same thing.
i rise and as if time has turned a notch a faster, i lose track of it i suddenly fall.
over and over i see the same thing.
the sun standing proud and as i blink it bid farewell then darkness takes over.
over and over i hear the same thing.
tick-tock-tick-tock i try to run with my heartbeat yet the track seems never ending.
i am losing in this battle.
i am starting to feel weak.
i try to savor everything around me yet nothing seems to be appealing.
left i turned i ended screaming.
right i turned i ended crying.
i stay still on neutral ground i find myself frozen.
as i try to give meaning to all shit happening, i ended dying.

same shit, different day!

FUCK 2010

as much as id want to celebrate the new year, i just cant seem to find enough reasons to do so. i know that the coming of a new year is a fresh way to start anew but i just feel same old same old.

i usually plan a lot everytime a new year starts - new agendas, new travel plans, new goals, new things to buy, etc. as the new year approached, i just felt apathetic. more like passive and indifferent. it seemed that there is just nothing to look forward to this coming year.

i dont usually drink when i go to year-ender parties but this time was different. i went to every party i got invited to and got totally wasted. i must say i enjoy the feeling of being drunk. this was my way of bidding farewell to a great 2009 maybe. it's like breaking off with a girlfriend and then turning to alcohol for self satisfaction. im so headed for a big downfall.

could it be that im just getting older that my zest for life is starting to wane? or, could it be because im starting to stagnate once again? honestly, i am just bored. bored to the extent that i am desperately in need of something to shake things up a little. i need to be involved into something dangerous or illegal. hahaha. come to think of it, maybe i should start exploring once again. let the rebel in me get out of his cage once more. tsk tsk tsk. this is not good.

ac*d, h*shish, e*stacy, we*d, c*ke, hero*n = heaven

hahahah =)

IM BRINGING CURLY BACK

ha! i just had my hair curled again. how i missed having curly hair!!!!

SHOOT ME

i was not able to control myself, AGAIN.

i acquired a new lens for my camera. an impulsive buy.

somebody please shoot me!

* my new baby

post script:

pax, buy me a canon battery grip for christmas!!!! lol. i'll buy you candy from the store.. hahahahah

BORACAY

9. i love secluded beaches. i'll never go to beaches with a lot of people. 

that's why i have no plans of ever going to boracay. 

i am violating this notion technically. i am off to the famous boracay this february for valentine's. the thing is, my brother sort of like "hired" me for the trip. yesterday, he and his girlfriend booked flights to boracay for 5 days and they were insisting that i come. i kept telling them that i do not have plans of ever going to boracay. he told me that he will pay for EVERYTHING if i come. hmmmm.... i asked what's the catch? he said he wanted somebody to document their trip. hahahaha. so that's why. i said i'll think about it first. he kept on bugging me the whole time convincing me that i come. he said what he meant by EVERYTHING is REALLY EVERYTHING! i wouldn't spend a buck on this trip. hahahahahahaha.. how desperate could he possibly get? i finally gave in. besides, this is another photo oppurtunity, i thought. hahahaha.

i booked a flight to boracay last night, using his credit card of course, for the upcoming trip. it's now official. i am coming.  i then realized that the trip is five days. i thought i may get bored. time for back up. hahahaha. i went over to my friends' house and told them about the upcoming trip. being the persuasive prick that i am, i convinced 4 other friends to come. hahahaha. i'm just too adorable to resist (grin). now, there's 7 of us going. this is going to be fun.

post script:

i need to buy a new underwater camera. i just sold mine last week to a friend to accomodate some new camera gear (photography is a curse!!!!). arghhhssss, i really have to say adios to my savings pretty soon. or maybe, i could try persuading my brother to buy the underwater camera instead. hahahahaha.

PLASTIC CARDS WITH MAGNETIC STRIPS AT THE BACK

i went on a field trip today. lol. i had to accompany my 7 year old niece to her school fieldtrip to subic. it was okay. i had better field trips when i was in elementary and highshool though. anyway, the highlight of the field trip for me was the duty free stop over in the end. argghhhsss...

i promised my self that i will cut down on my expenses (due to overspending on camera gear!). the thing with me is, i am very impulsive and i tend to rationalize a lot. i thought i came prepared with this one. i thought wrong.

i was checking the trip's itenary the night before and i saw the words "duty free stop" at the very end of the list. i thought to myself this was not good. quiksilver, billabong, zooyork, volcom, hurley, and ripcurl started to whirl around my head. because of that, i decided that i will only bring 2k cash on this trip and i will be assertive. i thought if i didnt bring cash then i will not buy anything. as if...

so the day went on pretty well only until the last stop which i dreaded most. the chartered bus came to a halt in front of the duty free establishment and there they were as if taunting me - quiksilver, billabong, zooyork, volcom, hurley and ripcurl on the display window. oh fuck! fuck, fuck, fuck!

people started alighting from the bus, so i and my niece went down as well. since i still have a lot left from the 2k i brought with me, i thought why not just spend it on whatever it could buy. so we went inside and i started checking things out. i could still buy one hurley shorts with the money i have with me. so i got my size and went straight to the cashier. as the cashier ringed the merchandise, the price was discounted to about 60% off. i asked if it was on sale and she said most of the men's apparel were on sale. geesh!!!!!!! this is not good. i told the cashier to hold my item for the meantime as i check some more stuff. she said okay.

i hurriedly went back to the men's apparel section, dragging my niece with me, and looked for a sales clerk. i found one and asked her what items in the men's apparel section were on sale and she said basically everything. i was suddenly in hypermode. i thought to myself, this is too good a deal to miss. so, i started to grab  mr. quiksilver, a few of his billabong cousins, his uncle mr.hurley and his friend mr. zooyork. hahahaha. obviously, the little cash i have with me is not enough to purchase all these. it's time to pull out those plastic cards with magnetic strips at the back. hahaha. again, i told myself, THIS IS TOO GOOD A DEAL TO MISS! (insert rationalization here)

since the 2k rule has been thrown out of the window, i asked my niece if she wanted anything. she said she'd look around first. after a few minutes of looking around, she got hold of a doll with a head-body disproportion and another with blond hair with a very small waistline. what's up with little girls and thier fascination with dolls?

so there goes my 2k assertion and expense cutting! i may have gone way beyond 2k but with a 60% off deal, it's definitely worth it! (insert rationalization here)

note:

next time i'll really be assertive. i mean it this time. i'll bring just enough cash and leave my credit cards at home. but what if there's an emergency? (insert rationalization here)

hahahaha. i am hopeless!

HAIR

darn it! i miss my long permed hair!

why was i not born with curly hair?

VOIP

i was busy the whole day trying to configure the settings for my brastel flip voice over the internet protocol phone. an aunt sent me this to cut on phone bills. what kills me about it is this: the thing came with instruction manuals and shit on how to set it up - it has certain instructions for different internet connection set-ups i.e. internet connection - splitter - modem - voip, internet connection - splitter - modem - router - voip, etc. the only set up that seems not to be included in the manual is if used with a wireless router. i was actually able to use the brastel flip if i disconnect the wireless router from the set up. i managed to make outgoing calls and received incoming ones. once i connect it to the wireless router, i cant make outgoing calls anymore. i cannot afford to disconnect the wireless router since our household uses two laptops and one desktop all of which connect to the internet wirelessly. i called brastel's customer support in japan and told them my problem but they seem not to have a solution for it. what they suggested was that i use the brastel flip without connecting it with the wireless router. that sucks.

anyway, after spending almost seven hours trying to fix it, i bailed. funny because i never bail on anything until i get it done. this was an exception because i see it hopeless. hahahaha. maybe one day if i get bored i'll give it a go once more.

SAVINGS

photography as a hobby is very expensive. for someone who is unemployed by choice like me, it's starting to be a burden. grin!

background:

eversince i graduated college in 2007, i only got to work for a month. i realized working was not for me. hahaha. schedules, organizational structures, and monotonous day routines were things that drove me insane and made me gain weight. so what i did, i quit.

since i choose not to have a job, i will have to solely rely on my ever precious savings. i got by with this. my savings were enough to have me travelling to places i wanted to go and come back to and it was enough for my everyday chillax life.

now, eversince i started photography, i feel my savings abruptly draining. purchases with regards to photography never seem to stop. i started with the camera body and one lens. then i had to buy a bag for it. i then bought a filter for the lens. then i had to buy a lens hood for the lens. a few days after, i decided to buy a new lens. since i bought a new lens, i had to buy a new filter for it and since i bought a new lens, i had to buy a bigger bag to accomodate my camera and my two lenses. i was wise with this one, i bought a big camera bag this time that could accomodate a lot of stuff anticipating that i will be buying more lenses and accesories soon.

just recently, i bought a photography book by scott kelby. from i what i learned, i need to have a good and sturdy tripod, polarizing filters for the lens, and a remote switch. okay, being the freak that i am, i rushed to the store and got myself a good and sturdy tripod, two polarizing filters for both my lenses, and a remote switch. i also bought a flash diffuser, a lenspen, a rocket blower, and some more media cards. i am starting to feel poor.

comparing my savings before and after i started photography, it went plunging to 1/3 the amount. arghhhsss!!!! here's the thing, i may have good gear to take photos but i aint got the dough to travel anymore to take good photos. the irony of it. fuck it.

so here i am now, laying on my bed sulking. i am pondering if i should get a job soon. if i do, am i ready to set aside my i-have-time-on-the-palm-of-my-hand life? so much for being a spontaneous free spirit! i'd rather choose to be unemployed yet happy than employed yet miserable! realitywise though, having to work is inevitable. money doesn't grow on trees. i have more or less six months to decide. hahaha.. i believe i could still stretch what remains of my savings to that extent provided that i do not buy a canon EF 70-200mm f/4 L IS USM lens anytime soon. hahahaha.

LAST SATURDAY

last saturday, i was badly craving for alcohol. i badly wanted to get wasted just for the sake of being wasted. so i did.

last saturday, the bad ass typhoon ondoy hit the country. some of my friends were greatly affected - one lost a car and a home, one lost a grandmother and an aunt, and some are still unreachable so i aint got any idea about. a cousin got stranded somewhere in banawe ave and was forced to take refuge in a bus for the night.

last saturday, we rushed a friend to the hospital. she suddenly had a seizure. the physicians are yet to find out the cause. no, she wasn't drinking alcohol with us. while i and some friends were drowning ourselves with beer, she was having a home serviced pedicure. i swear, i felt all intoxication washed out from me when the incident happened.

last saturday, i bacame number one in the facebook game "plock". effin 2M++ score. hahaha. a friend came so close but ain't enough.

last saturday, i ate one whole footlong sandwich and salt and vinegar flavored veggie chicharon. a feat for me. hahaha.

how was your saturday?

RETRIBUTION

light has gone astray and the bitter cold has set in. this is it! the day has finally come.

i was in refuge for such a long time and now time has come to finally claim what was long overdue. i've been holding on to every bit of light that i would see spark and now all seemed to be exasperated. as i look around mere shadows are taking shapes that are unknown to me. i cannot deny this anymore. this must be faced.

i feel blinded though. this is something i knew that was bound to happen but never seemed to be at arm's reach. darkness has crept in every direction. as i try to feel everything around me, with eyes fixed into nothingness, i shiver. the stillness i sense now will soon betray me.

am i ready? regardless, i have no choice but to succumb, to surrender. choice is not an option anymore. the enevitable is invariably occuring before me. "why prolong the agony?" i hear myself say.

i open my arms wide and shut my eyes and i let the vast blackness engulf me. i feel every part of me being torn into pieces yet i feel no pain. this is something i did not expect. "this is suppose to hurt!" i hear myself say, once more. then, in just a fraction of time, it was all over.

as i lay broken, catching my every breath, i hear a distant sound. i cannot make out the sound i am hearing yet it feels soothing. it is calming. in this sound i shall take refuge once again. i shall linger, i shall rest.

RUNABOUT CURSE

once again, i found myself back in the runabout.

it's been a long while since i was back in it. it sucks. life has become boring again. before i had my recent trip i was doing okay. it seemed that i was on track with my life. i had important things to do. it seemed life had purpose. i had an agenda on hand and i was effin doing fine with it.

now, i feel lost again. when i got back, it seemed i lost track of everything. i dont do my studying anymore nor do i watch the usual tv series that i follow. all of a sudden, i feel like im doing the same routine i eagerly left behind a long time ago. i feel like i lost spontaneity.

i'd wake up at around 2 pm. i'd eat lunch then sleep again. i'd wake up at around 5 pm. i'd take a bath then i'd eat dinner. at 7 pm i'd come over to my friend's house. we'd then start to think of what we'd like to eat for the night (burger, cake, starbucks, chips, whatever we agree upon). i'd stay there till around 3 am then i'd go home. i'd take a shower, floss and brush my teeth, then go to bed. the next day, the same would transpire again. for cryin out loud, i don't even have time for my dog anymore. that's something unacceptable. this has been constantly happening since saturday. i'm being stagnant again. it bothers me.

looking in the mirror, im starting not to like what i see. i'm gaining a little poundage. that's sucks. looking at my dog, i feel he's going insane. he's been chewing his bed mattress beyond recognition. the stuffing is all over the place. i haven't given him his bath this week yet as well.

i need intervention. this has to end. i need some fuckin motivation.

THOUGHT: 25 -ish

a friend once wrote in her blog that life ends at 25. figuratively, it sure does. i am 25 now and i must say that quarter life crisis sure did not miss its turn on me. i sure did feel the struggles, the doubts, the questions, the issues and all sorts of the like. i had to re-evaluate some of the things i strongly believe in and re-assess some of my principles. so, what have i realized in my 25 years of existence?

1) contrary to the saying that a you don't always get what you want, i must say that it is possible to always get what you want in the condition that it's within the limits of your control. if you want something and it is within your control, you can get it as long as you work hard for it - giving it your all.

2) that regardless of whatever people say or dictate, it is always your decision that matters. at the end of the day, it is you who is going to take responsibility for your actions. it is just a matter of having the guts to face the consequences of things you do - either good or bad.

3) that the more you mingle with people, the more you become wiser. why? because by doing so you see all sorts of characters and you learn to deal with each type. you learn to act accordingly with tact and respect and you learn to just be appropriate.

4) that you dont seek happiness from the company of others but from yourself. you must learn to derive happiness from within yourself because people come and go. if the people you get happiness from go, they take away your happiness with them leaving you bitter and miserable.

5) that you don't need to be religious to be faithful spiritually. it is a matter of how strong your faith is to your spiritual belief and not how often you go to your spiritual congregation. faith is unmeasurable. it is something that is personal and not dictated. faith is something that is not to be proven. faith is a personal relationship with whoever or whatever you choose to associate it with.

6) adding insult to injury creates chaos. there is no sense in justifying a mistake with another mistake. when a mistake is made, deal with it and leave it at that. just learn from it and move on. don't rationalize and make excuses. just suck it in. in the first place, think first before making a move. learn to project the consequences and evaluate if you can stand up to it.

7) you must never assume. people tend to assume things and make the mistake of believing their own assumptions. an assumption is still just an assumption. don't dwell on it. if it will remain unknown to you, don't kill yourself trying to make it known by assuming. an assumption is and will remain an assumption.

8 ) never dwell on anything for a long time. everything is transitory. everything changes. keep that in mind.

9) be yourself. life is too short to be somebody else. be comfortable. please yourself first before you please others. love yourself first before you love others. see yourself according to your own perspective and not another's.

10) maximize your potentials. all human is infinitely perfectible. you can do anything within human limits as long as you strive hard. you can learn anything. you are capable of anything. have the confidence and just believe in yourself.

11) eliminate pride from your system. be responsible for the things you do. learn to know yor grounds and own up to it. there is no sense in denying to yourself that you made a bad deed. you can never lie to yourself. you can never fool yourself so stop telling yourself otherwise.

12) never regret anything. regretting is pointless because time moves forward. you can never turn it back. take your experiences as lessons. if something you did turned out bad, learn from it. at least now you know. don't commit it again. you're stupid if you do.

REPOST: FOLLOW

i’m tired chasing the wind…

im done catching the breeze…

the end is near…

i feel it, i see it…

just a little more time…

it will be over…

as my eyes shut…

i will sleep…

forever.

REPOST: CAUSE

the island prince is losing himself.
he does not know who he is anymore.
as each day passes by, a part of him is taken and as much as he tries to hold on to what he has left, it seems as if judgment was long passed.
he cries.
he battles.
he is to young to be in such disposition.
life is not supposed to be this hard.
all his ideals are now gone.
too bad for him.
his ideals were the only glory he had.
his ideals made him go on and strive harder.
too bad for him i say again.

now the dethroned island prince is walking blindly into nothingness.
he is going to surrender.
he is going to succumb into the unending pit of darkness.
he will not resist.
he will not resist i say again.
the battle is over - so are the days of the island prince.

so now i bid farewell to you, island prince.

REPOST: EXHAUSTION

like a candle, my flame is flickering and my wick is almost alas. given some more time, i’ll bid farewell to my existence.

like wind, i feel like i’m going on for ages. to where? i’m oblivious and exasperation is kicking in.

like water, i feel shapeless. to much will i try to take shape but to no avail. i just go with whatever form i am placed into. it sucks.

like shattered glass, i feel broken. broken into pieces that can never be mended. i’m tainted. i’m jaded.

i’m a little lost boy in this big, big world. dazed. confused. i’m struggling and i’m aching. i feel helpless. i feel alone. to my dreams i hold on to but the world is harsh and my senses snap and in a blink of an eye i’m awake. as i look around i see no way out. i scream as loud as i can but no sound is coming out.

i’m doomed. kill me now i say. but once again i’m reminded - the world is harsh. no escape. feeling is believing. i believe. i surrender.

REPOST: RANDOM THOUGHTS

the mere thought of thinking about the realities of life is frustrating already. imagine thinking about it over and over again. adulthood is one thing that scares me. well, that actually depends on how one person views adulthood. i came upon reading a friend’s blog and she states that life ends at 25. damn, im 23 turning 24 this year - meaning i’ll be 25 next year. if my friend’s premise holds truth then i guess im damned. i’ve come to realize that no matter how much i try to view the world according to my perspective, reality just keeps on gushing in, distorting every ideal i have in mind. i’ve always pictured myself being successful - in retrospect, in highschool i’ve always thought that life was as simple as your dreams and your ambition. you know, do good in highschool, get in a prestigious university then graduate then get a stable job. moving on to the present, i’m like nowhere near the latter. well, if it’s any consolation to mention, i did good in highschool and i did get into a prestigious university but then things didn’t end up as i thought it would. i was in my second year in college when my very ideal world started to take a turn to reality alley. i was talked into taking a different career path by my folks (a long story goes in here but to make the story short i’ve decided to omit it). it was okay i thought then. well guess what? it’s not. i was immature then. i really didn’t project the heaviness of that career turn i actually took. now, everything seems to be taking it’s toll. now, every decision i try to make about my life is being hindered by that one move. it is like a black hole sucking everything of me. im tied to it and there seems to be no escaping it ( there is but im not really sure yet if a can manage to do it, maybe not just yet). i have plans for myself. these used to be it - get a stable job, get married, rear responsible children, travel the world when given the chance. well, if there’s one thing that could probably come to actuality, that would be the foremost. all the rest would be in a 50/50 chance. you see, the moment i took that turn way back in second year college got me committed into the harsh realities of the world. i dont come from a well-off family and by the looks of our current disposition, i am pretty much the very hope of my family - my mom the most. how can i live the life i want when i know deep down that my family is struggling? this makes commiting to a steady relationship with someone really hard. of course when i get commited i would do my best to provide for my special someone and that includes having a family with this special someone and provide the best for them. how can i do that when i’m pretty much commited now? i dont think it would be fair to commit to both knowing that one is being compromised. well, one principle i have in life is to always give 100% on whatever i am focused on. if im committed to two, that violates that principle. i have seen and know people who took courage into taking both. one side certainly suffers and there is no questioning that. sometimes i think what if i decide to live the life i want. if i do, i see myself being a good husband and a good father, but if i do, i’d be a terrible son. if i give up what i want, my folks would certainly be happy but what happens once i grow old? who would i have? is a person’s responsibility to his heritage or his future family? im 23 now turning 24 this year, i only have a year to decide. whichever path i choose into going, there sure is no turning back!