LIBERATION

as i look into nothingness, i start to imagine
as i imagine, i start to feel free
once free, i soar high
up high, everything seemed clear

everything unrestrained, i am reckless
for the first time i feel liberated
no rules, no conformities
i give into myself

to linger more, i shall
for no constraints abound
freedom to do so and so
i grasp so tight at hand

i fly away into nothingness
looking back is not a choice
one look back will be my fall
for i am weak in soul

UPDATE UPDATE

it's been so loooooonnngggg since i last blogged. i was so busy as i like telling myself. anyway, i am practically done editing the pictures that piled on my hard drive. so, what's up with me lately?!?

1. boracay trip was a blast. i must admit i had fun. i went fire dancing in hawaiian barbeque... that was really neat.

2. i already passed the international licensure exam i was preparing for. that's a weight off the shoulder.

3. i got rid of some sh*tty friends... like i always say, i dont mind losing 20 friends at once, i have more than you could imagine.. hahahahaha. trifling people... lol

4. i will be conducting photo editing workshops with some friends... i and some friends will be putting up a studio very soon so for the meantime, we'll be focusing on holding out photo editing tutorials first. would you like to join?

5. i just turned 26 just 2 days back.. had a blast celebrating with good friends... booze, food, and a whole lot of conversations... hahahahahaha

6. i finally have a copy of my all time favorite film "BLOOD IN, BLOOD OUT." can't wait to watch it with the VATOS LOCOS.... i'm pretty sure i'll get the chicano high again for a month....

7. i'm currently reading on "hannibal rising"  by thomas harris. im stuck on chapter 18.. hahahaha...

8. my friends got inked last night... im such a loser for not getting one.. hahahaha....

9. i still have no plans for the coming holy week...

10. im planning on enrolling in Fashion Institue of the Philippines and take Fashion Photography classes... i'm still deciding on it....

11. i got rid of my curls, my hair is getting long. i am doning the Jesus Christ look lately.. i haven't shaved my facial hair for weeks.. hahahaha.. just in time for the holy week...

12. i joined an international photo contest. i didn't win nor got short listed... i'm bitter about it. hahahahahaha...

13. im going crazy over taco bell's churros.. hahahaha....

14. break-ups and make-ups been staling the air lately... hahahahaha... sh*t happens.

15. im still deciding if i should go back to the states this coming april =/

that's basically it for me lately... i am telling myself to blog more often.... and oh, i just started on flickr. do check out my works at http://www.flickr.com/djcatch .

BUSY BUSY BUSY

sorry if i haven't been blogging the past few weeks...i've been busy with "photography." i've been editing endless numbers of photos.. i'll post some of my works soon in my photo blog or better yet just look it up in my facebook account - catch gaviola.

pax, i miss you...

THE SIMPLE LIFE

ive always had this vision of me living the life of a simple fisherman - rising before dawn breaks to fish for the whole day's meals, mending my fishnets during idle times, and solely relying on candlelight at night.

everytime i would tell this vision of myself to my friends i always end up being mocked. nobody would take me seriously. i always tell them that i strongly believe that in my past life i was a fisherman. all i get are chuckles and laughter. i tell them i am dead serious.

my friends have always known me as a go getter, impulsive, outgoing, and modern type of guy. i admit i am but im also just a simple, humble, content, and uncomplicated kind of person. my friends would always throw me snide comments like i will never even last a day living a simple life or id be the most trendy fisherman in the barrios. why would no one believe me?

honestly, i can live without all the complexities of life. i actually don't mind at all. all my friends see are the gadgets i have, the clothes that i wear, my bank accounts (soon to be non existent), my travels here and there, and other superficial shit. i am definitely more than all that.

yesterday, my friends were talking about the fishball vendor they talked to. they were saying that the fishball vendor earns around P500 nett daily. i said that makes P15K a month and that's not bad just for selling fishballs. i said that maybe i should try selling fishballs for the meantime since i am unemployed. i wholeheartedly meant it when i said it. immediately they answered that i will not earn the same because i would have to pay my hired vendor. i told them i dont intend to hire anyone, i intend to do it myself. as usual, i got chuckles, laughter, and comments like if ill be accepting credit cards as mode of payment with minimum of P5 per transaction. this cracked my friends big time, laughing their asses out thinking the whole idea was a joke. i wasn't at all joking.

at a year ender party i went to last december, some high school friends were saying that they were dreading the first workday of 2010. they said that if given the chance, they'd rather choose to be unemployed but cannot afford to do so income wise. they then asked me how i am able to manage being unemployed yet still be able to live a comfy life. i told them i rely on my savings. they asked if my savings were from my parents. i answered hell no. they then asked me where i got the money and when i told them they all got dumbfounded. i told them, when i was in the states i worked as a nanny to three kids and would sometimes work as a carpenter when needed. they laughed thinking i was making a joke. i told them i was dead serious. they said they were in disbelief that i, catch gaviola, would choose to work as a nanny and a carpenter. it was i that gave them a laugh instead.

to my dear friends, despite all the nice crap i wear and the extravagant lifestyle i have, i am just an average joe wanting simple joys. i may have certain odd preferences but that doesn't mean i am superficial. i am just as fucked up as anybody else. hahahaha.

365 DAYS OF SH*T

over and over i feel the same thing.
i rise and as if time has turned a notch a faster, i lose track of it i suddenly fall.
over and over i see the same thing.
the sun standing proud and as i blink it bid farewell then darkness takes over.
over and over i hear the same thing.
tick-tock-tick-tock i try to run with my heartbeat yet the track seems never ending.
i am losing in this battle.
i am starting to feel weak.
i try to savor everything around me yet nothing seems to be appealing.
left i turned i ended screaming.
right i turned i ended crying.
i stay still on neutral ground i find myself frozen.
as i try to give meaning to all shit happening, i ended dying.

same shit, different day!

NEGOTIABLE AFFECTION

ive always wondered how it is to be a person with negotiable affection? being paid for "affection" if you know what im saying. since i am in search for anything that will shake things up a little, maybe i should try being an undercover male-for-hire. hahahaha.

what the fuck am i thinking? i need to sleep.

FUCK 2010

as much as id want to celebrate the new year, i just cant seem to find enough reasons to do so. i know that the coming of a new year is a fresh way to start anew but i just feel same old same old.

i usually plan a lot everytime a new year starts - new agendas, new travel plans, new goals, new things to buy, etc. as the new year approached, i just felt apathetic. more like passive and indifferent. it seemed that there is just nothing to look forward to this coming year.

i dont usually drink when i go to year-ender parties but this time was different. i went to every party i got invited to and got totally wasted. i must say i enjoy the feeling of being drunk. this was my way of bidding farewell to a great 2009 maybe. it's like breaking off with a girlfriend and then turning to alcohol for self satisfaction. im so headed for a big downfall.

could it be that im just getting older that my zest for life is starting to wane? or, could it be because im starting to stagnate once again? honestly, i am just bored. bored to the extent that i am desperately in need of something to shake things up a little. i need to be involved into something dangerous or illegal. hahaha. come to think of it, maybe i should start exploring once again. let the rebel in me get out of his cage once more. tsk tsk tsk. this is not good.

ac*d, h*shish, e*stacy, we*d, c*ke, hero*n = heaven

hahahah =)