SHOOT ME

i was not able to control myself, AGAIN.

i acquired a new lens for my camera. an impulsive buy.

somebody please shoot me!

* my new baby

post script:

pax, buy me a canon battery grip for christmas!!!! lol. i'll buy you candy from the store.. hahahahah

ENOUGH

i've been in hiatus for the past few days (im sick as hell). in doing so, i was made to ponder about things in life. as i was staring blankly at the ceiling, it made me think how much longer can i actually go on with being unemployed and solely depending on my savings.

reality wise, my savings is drastically depleting and i don't think it can suffice my over extragavant spending habits anymore. i will admit, i am a huge spender. i've always denied this fact to my mom and friends everytime they would tell me that i spend a lot. sometimes, i would get into arguments with my mom because she wouldn't agree on my spending habits. the funny thing is, i only realized this when i think it's a bit too late. as the saying goes, you will only see the worth of something once it's gone. you sure do. in my case - savings.

as much as i'd want to stop being impulsive, i just cant. i always tend to rationalize. it sucks. i've bought so many things that are now just covered with dust. i have clothes that i never got to use, shoes that ive used once, hats that were bought for the sake of just buying them, gadgets that make me think now why i even bothered buying them in the first place, and so much more. the thing with me is, if i see something i like or i think i need, i buy it. im getting sick of this habit. my friends even have this habit of setting a timeline for every new thing i acquire - whether it be a guitar, a keyboard, a skateboard,, a new cellphone, a psp, a camera, etc. they would usually give it two weeks before i get tired of it. most of the time, they are right.

so that you have an idea on how much i actually spend, my usual monthly credit card bill is around 15k  -  to 20k and my cash spending varies from 15k to as much as 50k a month. for someone unemployed, this is not tolerable.

i badly need intervention!!!!!!! is there a rehab center for overspending?!?!?

(come to think of it, this habit will soon be over since there is nothing to spend anymore. i shall glady embrace poverty with open arms! =/)

BORACAY

9. i love secluded beaches. i'll never go to beaches with a lot of people. 

that's why i have no plans of ever going to boracay. 

i am violating this notion technically. i am off to the famous boracay this february for valentine's. the thing is, my brother sort of like "hired" me for the trip. yesterday, he and his girlfriend booked flights to boracay for 5 days and they were insisting that i come. i kept telling them that i do not have plans of ever going to boracay. he told me that he will pay for EVERYTHING if i come. hmmmm.... i asked what's the catch? he said he wanted somebody to document their trip. hahahaha. so that's why. i said i'll think about it first. he kept on bugging me the whole time convincing me that i come. he said what he meant by EVERYTHING is REALLY EVERYTHING! i wouldn't spend a buck on this trip. hahahahahahaha.. how desperate could he possibly get? i finally gave in. besides, this is another photo oppurtunity, i thought. hahahaha.

i booked a flight to boracay last night, using his credit card of course, for the upcoming trip. it's now official. i am coming.  i then realized that the trip is five days. i thought i may get bored. time for back up. hahahaha. i went over to my friends' house and told them about the upcoming trip. being the persuasive prick that i am, i convinced 4 other friends to come. hahahaha. i'm just too adorable to resist (grin). now, there's 7 of us going. this is going to be fun.

post script:

i need to buy a new underwater camera. i just sold mine last week to a friend to accomodate some new camera gear (photography is a curse!!!!). arghhhssss, i really have to say adios to my savings pretty soon. or maybe, i could try persuading my brother to buy the underwater camera instead. hahahahaha.

PLASTIC CARDS WITH MAGNETIC STRIPS AT THE BACK

i went on a field trip today. lol. i had to accompany my 7 year old niece to her school fieldtrip to subic. it was okay. i had better field trips when i was in elementary and highshool though. anyway, the highlight of the field trip for me was the duty free stop over in the end. argghhhsss...

i promised my self that i will cut down on my expenses (due to overspending on camera gear!). the thing with me is, i am very impulsive and i tend to rationalize a lot. i thought i came prepared with this one. i thought wrong.

i was checking the trip's itenary the night before and i saw the words "duty free stop" at the very end of the list. i thought to myself this was not good. quiksilver, billabong, zooyork, volcom, hurley, and ripcurl started to whirl around my head. because of that, i decided that i will only bring 2k cash on this trip and i will be assertive. i thought if i didnt bring cash then i will not buy anything. as if...

so the day went on pretty well only until the last stop which i dreaded most. the chartered bus came to a halt in front of the duty free establishment and there they were as if taunting me - quiksilver, billabong, zooyork, volcom, hurley and ripcurl on the display window. oh fuck! fuck, fuck, fuck!

people started alighting from the bus, so i and my niece went down as well. since i still have a lot left from the 2k i brought with me, i thought why not just spend it on whatever it could buy. so we went inside and i started checking things out. i could still buy one hurley shorts with the money i have with me. so i got my size and went straight to the cashier. as the cashier ringed the merchandise, the price was discounted to about 60% off. i asked if it was on sale and she said most of the men's apparel were on sale. geesh!!!!!!! this is not good. i told the cashier to hold my item for the meantime as i check some more stuff. she said okay.

i hurriedly went back to the men's apparel section, dragging my niece with me, and looked for a sales clerk. i found one and asked her what items in the men's apparel section were on sale and she said basically everything. i was suddenly in hypermode. i thought to myself, this is too good a deal to miss. so, i started to grab  mr. quiksilver, a few of his billabong cousins, his uncle mr.hurley and his friend mr. zooyork. hahahaha. obviously, the little cash i have with me is not enough to purchase all these. it's time to pull out those plastic cards with magnetic strips at the back. hahaha. again, i told myself, THIS IS TOO GOOD A DEAL TO MISS! (insert rationalization here)

since the 2k rule has been thrown out of the window, i asked my niece if she wanted anything. she said she'd look around first. after a few minutes of looking around, she got hold of a doll with a head-body disproportion and another with blond hair with a very small waistline. what's up with little girls and thier fascination with dolls?

so there goes my 2k assertion and expense cutting! i may have gone way beyond 2k but with a 60% off deal, it's definitely worth it! (insert rationalization here)

note:

next time i'll really be assertive. i mean it this time. i'll bring just enough cash and leave my credit cards at home. but what if there's an emergency? (insert rationalization here)

hahahaha. i am hopeless!

HAIR

darn it! i miss my long permed hair!

why was i not born with curly hair?

VOIP

i was busy the whole day trying to configure the settings for my brastel flip voice over the internet protocol phone. an aunt sent me this to cut on phone bills. what kills me about it is this: the thing came with instruction manuals and shit on how to set it up - it has certain instructions for different internet connection set-ups i.e. internet connection - splitter - modem - voip, internet connection - splitter - modem - router - voip, etc. the only set up that seems not to be included in the manual is if used with a wireless router. i was actually able to use the brastel flip if i disconnect the wireless router from the set up. i managed to make outgoing calls and received incoming ones. once i connect it to the wireless router, i cant make outgoing calls anymore. i cannot afford to disconnect the wireless router since our household uses two laptops and one desktop all of which connect to the internet wirelessly. i called brastel's customer support in japan and told them my problem but they seem not to have a solution for it. what they suggested was that i use the brastel flip without connecting it with the wireless router. that sucks.

anyway, after spending almost seven hours trying to fix it, i bailed. funny because i never bail on anything until i get it done. this was an exception because i see it hopeless. hahahaha. maybe one day if i get bored i'll give it a go once more.

SAVINGS

photography as a hobby is very expensive. for someone who is unemployed by choice like me, it's starting to be a burden. grin!

background:

eversince i graduated college in 2007, i only got to work for a month. i realized working was not for me. hahaha. schedules, organizational structures, and monotonous day routines were things that drove me insane and made me gain weight. so what i did, i quit.

since i choose not to have a job, i will have to solely rely on my ever precious savings. i got by with this. my savings were enough to have me travelling to places i wanted to go and come back to and it was enough for my everyday chillax life.

now, eversince i started photography, i feel my savings abruptly draining. purchases with regards to photography never seem to stop. i started with the camera body and one lens. then i had to buy a bag for it. i then bought a filter for the lens. then i had to buy a lens hood for the lens. a few days after, i decided to buy a new lens. since i bought a new lens, i had to buy a new filter for it and since i bought a new lens, i had to buy a bigger bag to accomodate my camera and my two lenses. i was wise with this one, i bought a big camera bag this time that could accomodate a lot of stuff anticipating that i will be buying more lenses and accesories soon.

just recently, i bought a photography book by scott kelby. from i what i learned, i need to have a good and sturdy tripod, polarizing filters for the lens, and a remote switch. okay, being the freak that i am, i rushed to the store and got myself a good and sturdy tripod, two polarizing filters for both my lenses, and a remote switch. i also bought a flash diffuser, a lenspen, a rocket blower, and some more media cards. i am starting to feel poor.

comparing my savings before and after i started photography, it went plunging to 1/3 the amount. arghhhsss!!!! here's the thing, i may have good gear to take photos but i aint got the dough to travel anymore to take good photos. the irony of it. fuck it.

so here i am now, laying on my bed sulking. i am pondering if i should get a job soon. if i do, am i ready to set aside my i-have-time-on-the-palm-of-my-hand life? so much for being a spontaneous free spirit! i'd rather choose to be unemployed yet happy than employed yet miserable! realitywise though, having to work is inevitable. money doesn't grow on trees. i have more or less six months to decide. hahaha.. i believe i could still stretch what remains of my savings to that extent provided that i do not buy a canon EF 70-200mm f/4 L IS USM lens anytime soon. hahahaha.